We begin our turn toward Source when we finally are ready to give up the endlessly futile project of trying to get one person to conform to our expectations of what an ideal mate should be. At this point it can be useful to invoke the ‘First Noble Truth’ of the Buddha. He said, 25 centuries ago, that the nature of life is suffering. In specific, that all conditional experiences do not lead to satisfaction, wisdom, or completion. Translated into relationship, this means that all standard person-to-person relating fails to lead to completion or satisfaction. We must add something to the mix. That something is Source-Work, or Conscious Relating.
Some Principles of Conscious Relationship
- You Cannot Be Alone. Even if living on a desert island, you are not alone.
- There is No Such Thing as ‘the one’—the one special person who will magically make everything better for us. There is only the Totality. The relationship you are in, provided there is absence of abuse, it always good enough to awaken within to your highest and best destiny. Your partner then becomes your ‘learning partner’, or your ‘healing partner’. This can apply to friendships as well.
- Conscious Relationship begins with a Crisis (usually some disappointment with codependency).
- Opposition Reveals Your True Face. We tend to be attracted to opposites, much like magnets. Our work then is to take responsibility for the part of us that is attracted to our opposite, instead of blaming them for being so different from us. When two people are very similar they tend to make good friends (if other factors line up). Primary partners often have tendencies that are opposite. This can be very good grounds for seeing yourself more clearly (instead of just focussing on how your partner is different).
- We Must Learn to Love Truth more than our Attachments.